Rolling Thunder
by Tortugita
Summary: In a time of crisis, Leo must be the rock that holds his brothers together. Warning! Character death!
1. Prologue

Rolling Thunder

Prologue:

Crisp and cold, the wind tore through the streets of New York, ruthlessly harassing any soul foolish enough to tread outside. A bright flash illuminated the darkness, sending jagged streaks in all directions. Following close on it's heels was the sharp clap of thunder, it's rumbling growl warning the residents of the normally bustling city that it was best to stay inside as the violent storm ravaged through the tall buildings that rubbed elbows with their neighbors.

No civilians walked about, so the bulky turtle that stumbled in the middle of a main street didn't worry about anyone seeing him in the rain that had started to pour like a waterfall from a god that seemed to turn a cold shoulder on his abominable existence. On his entire family's repugnant life.

The harsh wind bit at his forest green skin, battering his scarred flesh without remorse. The drops of water were like darts prickling painfully, though the pain was like a distant annoyance, thrown into the shadows of his consciousness by a much deeper kind of pain. The kind that was uproariously loud. That lived restlessly inside, clawing furiously behind dead amber eyes. The kind of hurt that hid behind biting remarks and hateful glowers.

Ragged breaths laced with sobs were almost drowned out by the dull hiss of rain and low grumbling thunder. Hands, numb from cold, clenched into tight fists as icy water rolled over his rigid form and hid the heart break from the form emerging from the shadows of an alley tucked securely between two towering apartment buildings.

Even from the distance, Leonardo could heard the heart broken sobs from the turtle in the street who did not seem to sense his approach. Though his well trained footing was normally silent, even when traipsing through puddles, he stepped heavier to get his brother's attention, offering him a second to compose himself.

However, Raphael did not look up to acknowledge him. Instead, his knees gave way and he sagged slowly, then dropped heavily to the ground, his knees smacking audibly on the asphalt. Before his body could fall forward, Leonardo was in front of him, his arms circling around his shoulders. Leo winced at the cold, marble like feel of his brother's skin and knew that if the emotional stress they'd all been suffering through didn't claim the other turtle's consciousness, then the frigid temperature would.

Raphael was trembling. Though if it was from the cold or from the tears, Leo could not tell. Either way, he held his younger brother tightly and rubbed the back of his head comfortingly. He didn't say anything. There were no words that could coax away the weight they were all burdened with now.

"Raphael?" Leo whispered into his brother's ear. Raphael did not respond. His forehead rested against Leo's shoulder and his arms hung limply at his sides as he allowed his older brother to lift him from the ground. He'd been topside all night. For the entirety of the storm, he'd run through the streets, angrily kicking over trash cans, upturning dumpsters, and ripping news stands from the ground.

Leo could see the path of destruction behind his brother's shell that was the signature of his devastation. The leader was not worried. He closed his eyes and stood still in the pouring rain, just holding his brother. The news would blame the wreckage on the abysmal weather. Indeed, if the thin trees lining the sidewalks of the street in which they stood had not each been tightly enclosed in a wrought iron fencing, they certainly would have been uprooted.

"Come, otouto," Leonardo coaxed softly, pulling back and taking Raphael's hand.

Raph swayed forward slightly as if he was going to fall without his brother's support, but he managed to catch himself. Though, his red rimmed, unmasked eyes did not raise from the slick street that was slowly being flooded. He allowed himself to be led to a man hole and guided down to the sewers within.

Feeling too small for his shell and like his feet were made of lead, he had to be half dragged back home. Each step was hesitant. Reluctant. However, Leonardo only tightened his hold on the other turtle's hand and continued as if his little brother was willingly following him. Though tomorrow he would never admit it, Raphael was grateful for the strong hand gripping his. Especially as they neared the false wall and Leo's free hand rose to pull the hidden pipe lever, prompting the door to swing open.

Warmth pushed out to greet them and the smell of green tea that had been brewed hours earlier wafted out in a way that was supposed to be inviting. However, Raph's stomach lurched and he walked jerkily inside. He stopped abruptly at the top of the stairs and his amber orbs stared fixedly at the closed door near the dojo. Transfixed, the forest green turtle clenched his teeth and his throat tightened.

Leo moved to stand in front of him, effectively blocking the door that hid the cause of the grief that hung thickly in the air through out the lair.

Using both hands to cup the frozen cheeks of his brother's face, Leo leaned close and captured Raph's tormented amber orbs with his own suffering gaze. For a moment he didn't say anything, just offered to shoulder the hurt his brother was keeping to himself. For the first time ever, Raphael bared his soul to his older brother and it took everything in Leo to not collapse.

It almost hurt to speak, but Leo managed," Come on, Raph... let's get you to bed, huh? I'll make something to help you sleep. Chamomile Tea."

Raphael did not say anything. He seemed to be staring past the older turtle, eyes half lidded. Leonardo knew what was tormenting him.

"Close your eyes," Leo whispered. Raph made a small, weak sound, but obeyed.

Sliding his palms from his brother's face, he grasped both of Raph's hands. Careful to keep himself between the larger turtle and the bedroom door that belonged to their beloved master, he moved slowly towards the hall where all their bedrooms were.

Raph did not open his eyes. Not even when he laid down on his bed. As his head sank onto his pillow, he only lay there and breathed unevenly, still trembling. Leo pulled a blanket over his shaking form and sighed heavily.

"I will be right back, little brother," He said softly, squeezing the younger turtle's hand before pulling back to go to the kitchen.

Leo pointedly turned his shell to his father's bedroom door and leaned against the counter as he waited for water to boil. It was a strange feeling... the lair felt so empty all of a sudden and he tried not to think of his master. He could feel the slumbering presences of Michelangelo and Donatello sleeping fitfully in their respective rooms. Mikey was whimpering audibly and tossing about. Donny gasped and Leo knew he was crying in his slumber.

He felt the big brother urge to go to them, but he'd all ready spent hours trying to comfort them. There was not much more he could do. Besides, Raphael had been alone the entire time he, Mikey, and Donny had huddled close and held each other. Right now, he needed to make sure Raph got to sleep. Then maybe he, himself, could get some rest.

When the water started to bubble gently, he tossed a chamomile tea bag into a cup and poured the hot water over it. He let it steep a few minutes before removing the bag and bringing the steaming cup back to Raphael.

Raphael had not moved an inch since Leo left to make the tea. His eyes were still firmly shut, but his erratic breathing gave way any pretense that he may have fallen asleep.

"Please drink this, Raphael," Leo pleaded. However, his brother did not respond and he sighed, setting the cup on a little table that was being used as a bed stand. Beside the little lamp and beaten alarm clock, there was a permanent ring where cups were commonly set for the hotheaded turtle in the past. And once again this new cup rested there, probably to be ignored as many had before.

Minutes dragged by. Dark shadows cast all over the floor, the only light flooding in from the hood light over the stove that Leo left on regularly for Mikey. The oldest brother wished he could find something to say to comfort the most emotional of the four, but for once he was at a loss. Always full of uplifting lectures, it was a new feeling to stumble around for a comforting phrase. A single sentence to ease the creases around Raph's face and lips just would not come. He knew nothing could fix this. Nothing made this loss okay.

Finally, Leonardo hung his head in defeat, his soul weighing down heavily at his lack of words. His fingers moved on their own accord to graze over Raphael's cheek, but he withdrew and turned away. Before he could take a step, however, a hand feebly wrapped around his wrist.

Turning, his heart twisted at the wide eyed look Raphael fixed him with. He remembered that look. From when they were kids. That frightened look was one Raphael had gotten after foolishly throwing himself into dangerous situations while trying to impress his older brother. When he was scared and needed Leo to help him.

Desperation filled those bloodshot amber hues and his chin trembled.

"D-don't leave m-me, Leo..." the once rough baritone cracked and stammered," I... I don't wanna be alone..."

The statement was so unlike his brother that Leonardo was taken aback. He blinked down at his trembling brother in shock, but Raphael only stared back, eyes begging him to stay and hand tightening around the smaller turtle's wrist.

"You are not alone... I'll stay with you..." Leo whispered, his own voice shaking slightly as he sank beside his younger brother. As soon as he lay down, Raphael was against him, his arms hugging around his middle tightly, clinging much like they had when they were kids. He pressed his face against his big brother's shoulder. Leo closed his eyes and wrapped his arms around his brother in return, resting his cheek against his forehead.

"Splinter's really...he..." Raphael heaved breathlessly and Leo held him tighter.

"Shh... I'm here otouto," He whispered," I'm here, brother."

* * *

A/N: Well, I was intending on this being a one-shot, but I think I may continue. However, that depends on what you all think. Review and let me know if I should continue or leave well enough alone.


	2. Chapter One

Rolling Thunder

Chapter One:

Any remnants of the storm that ransacked the city had vanished in the hustle bustle of bodies crowding the streets. As if it had never happened, every one emerged and continued with their lives in a way Leonardo knew his family never could. The buzz of indiscernible chatter floated to the roof top where he crouched, his arms cradling a black, marble urn to his plastron as if to feel the soft fur of the loved one inside. Etched in elegant, silver lettering was simply his name.

The old ninjitsu master would not have cared for lengthy, carefully worded endearments. He'd always had a soft spot for the simple.

April had found a way for them to carry out his master's last wishes. Finding a box to nail their father's body into, she'd brought him to a cremation business, claiming the box held her dog. Leonardo hated that his father had spent his whole life in hiding and now, even in death, he'd had to hide.

Leo was proud of himself.

Through it all, he had held his composure. As Mikey let out a strangled cry of anguish. As Donny crumpled to the floor and sobbed. Even as Raphael shook in his arms all night long. His eyes had stayed dry. However, when April sorrowfully set the heavy black urn into his hands, he almost heard the sharp crack he felt inside. _This is real..._

He'd only managed to barely excuse himself before salty tears burned their way down his cheeks. Unlike Mikey, he did not loudly announce to the world that his heart was breaking. He didn't whimper and sob uncontrollably like Donny. Nor did he throw and break things until he couldn't stand the pain anymore as Raph had.

Curling into himself, Leonardo clutched his father's ashen remains to his chest and silently mourned, rocking back and forth slightly. Barely uttering a sniffle, he sat there holding the urn for an hour and did not so much as whisper his pain to the wind that attempted in vain to embrace him. He refused the comfort as he wiped his eyes and stood.

He would not return to the lair in such a state. His brothers were still hurting and he had to be there for them. As the head of the household, he was now responsible for them all. How could they look to him for comfort if he returned crying all over himself? Calming himself, the blue masked turtle carefully tucked the urn under his arm and dropped into the nearest man hole.

The lair was silent when he returned. Dark and deserted, the kitchen was where Leo headed. As the most frequented spot in the house, even now, this was where he was going to place Splinter. Gently, he set the urn in the center of the table, turning as he heard one of his brother's open their door.

Leo almost didn't recognize his baby brother as he looked out at him.

When he heard noises in the kitchen, Michelangelo knew his brother was home from retrieving... the ashes. He couldn't believe Leo would burn their father. Even if it _had_ been the old rat's wish. It seemed so wrong to him. Still, he stood and peered out of his room, unable to tear his gaze from the black vase shaped object.

After spending the entire night crying, Mikey's eyes were long since dry. He'd slept, but didn't look like it. Since he'd not bothered to don his mask, it was that much more apparent. Bags from his fitful night left dark circles under his blank, blue orbs and his normally sea green pallor seemed almost gray. His wan face was void of the sparkling personality that identified him as Mikey.

Leo didn't say anything as his youngest brother slowly walked out of his room, eyes glued to the urn sitting on the table top.

Mikey reached out, his hand shaking slightly as his mind rejected the idea that this... _vase_ contained his beloved master. The surface was like ice. Hard and cold. Nothing like the loving, wise rat inside. Still, his fingers ran down the side in an almost loving caress as if to feel the warm fur one last time.

Leo felt his eyes start to sting as he watched his brother sadly touch the urn as if trying to remember what his father felt like. He blinked rapidly and looked away for a second to swallow the knot forming in his throat. He was _not_ going to lose it right now. Not when Mikey looked so... dead. His eyes held no life as they surveyed the black marble and his frown was deep and unnatural. For Mikey, anyway.

"Is that... _him_?" Came the hoarse, cracked voice of Donatello, who'd suddenly, silently appeared behind them. He gently set his hand on Mikey's shoulder as the youngest turtle nodded feebly.

"It's so strange to think that this is..." Donny continued, his voice emotionless and his expression unreadable.

"Don, stop," Mikey said, looking away and clenching his fists.

Donny sighed," It just happened so fast..."

At the slight whimper Mikey made, Leo shook his head at Donny," Not right now."

Donatello sighed again, hand dropping to his side. He stared fixedly at his feet as silence fell.

Leonardo slipped around him as Mikey began to shake. He placed a hand on each of his trembling shoulders and turned him away from the table.

Dipping his head forward slightly to try to capture the suffering aqua hues, he said," Come now, Mikey. Don't cry."

"I can't help it, Leo! I miss him!" Mikey cried, shrugging the hands off and turning now angry eyes at Leo," How can you _not_ be crying? Don't you miss him at _all_?"

"Of course I do, Mike... How can you even ask that?" Leo whispered, the hurt he tried to hide escaping in his softly spoken words.

"I don't know..." Mikey groaned and rubbed his tired eyes that were dry and scratchy from the salty tears that had leaked from them all night. His bottom lip trembled like he might start to cry, but he only let his hands drop to his sides.

Leo sighed as sapphire eyes lowered in regret for his thoughtless words, throat working as if he was trying to form some sort of apology. Leo slid his arm around his youngest brother's shoulders and brought him closer. He wasn't angry. How could he be? They were all hurting.

Donatello's eyes dropped from his embracing brothers to the marble container. He rubbed his arm nervously, a little uncomfortable with the situation. It all seemed so... unreal. The night before, he felt like the pain would eat him alive, but today...

He didn't feel... anything. As if nothing at all had happened. Even though his father's ashes were sitting right in front of him, he felt no sorrow. And it made him feel guilty. So guilty that he couldn't stand to watch as his oldest and youngest brother held each other for comfort. Even though Leo hadn't so much as cried a single tear, he could see the suffering in his eyes.

"Mike..." Leo sighed again as his little brother's shoulder began to quake," Everything will be all right."

Suddenly, Michelangelo stopped trembling and glowered angrily up at the blue banded turtle. Planting both hands firmly on his plastron, he shoved the older terrapin hard, sending him backwards several paces where he stumbled and barely managed to keep his balance.

"You're wrong, Leo!" Mikey snarled, his eyes darkening and his face twisting into an unfamiliar expression of fury," Nothing will ever be all right again!"

"Mike, what's wrong with you?" Donny asked for Leo, who seemed to be shocked in silence. The eldest brother stood with his hands raised and open and lips parted slightly as he stared at the blue eyed turtle as if he'd never seen him before.

Michelangelo ignored Donatello, continuing to glare at Leo. Clenching his teeth, he continued, his voice rising," You never loved Splinter at all! I bet you were counting down the days to his death! Is that why you wouldn't even talk to him for the last week of his life? That hurt him, you know!"

"Michelangelo!" Donny bellowed, shoving the sea green brother's shoulder to get his attention. Mikey huffed and stormed out of the room, slamming his door. The sound seemed to reverberate off of the walls.

Grimacing, Donatello looked worriedly at his older brother.

Leonardo's head was tilted downwards and his fists were clenched. The dimly lit room cast shadows across his eyes, so Donny couldn't see his expression. However, the tenseness of his muscles and his stature spoke volumes. Mikey had definitely struck a nerve. Perhaps many nerves, in fact.

"Leo..." Donny said softly, reaching towards him. Leo lifted a hand to bat his away. When he looked up, he wore a soft smile.

"I'm fine, Donny. Mikey is just... upset. I understand. He's hurting and he doesn't know how to deal with it. I'm fine," He said unconvincingly. Donny frowned and opened his mouth to retort, but was interrupted.

"Why is ev'rybody yelling?" Came a small, unrecognizable voice.

Both turtles blinked in curiosity at each other before turning towards the speaker. Raphael stood at the entrance to the kitchen, blinking large amber eyes at them. He rubbed sleep from his eye with one hand and with the other, he hugged his blanket to himself.

"Are you mad, big brother?" He continued in the same, small child-like voice, peering at Leo with wide eyes. He hadn't called him 'big brother' in years.

Leonardo and Donatello stared dumb founded at their red masked brother before exchanging thoroughly confused glances.

"Raph?" Leo asked lightly, tilting his head.

"Yeah?"

"Is uh... is everything okay?"

"I was woked up by loud voices. Are you and Donnie-tello fighting?" Raphael continued, his bottom lip trembling.

Donny raised an eye ridge skeptically at the name Raph used to call him when they were kids," Is this some kind of joke, Raph? Because if it is, it's not funny."

Raphael looked like he didn't have a clue what his violet clad brother was talking about. His bottom lip stuck out more and his breathing quickened in what used to be a tell tale sign that he was on the brink of bursting into tears.

"I don't think he's faking, Don..." Leo whispered," What the shell is going on?"


End file.
